However, I forget this truth EVERY SINGLE DAY. Maybe many moments of many days....
I made a plan yesterday for today and come about 7:20am this morning I failed and strayed from that plan. I was preparing a soup for Belle's lunch and just started to eat it after already having eaten a banana and oatmeal. I knew it was not on my plan. I just wanted it and still 'felt hungry' and justified that it wasn't unhealthy. Some of you (maybe most of you) might be thinking that it doesn't seem like a big deal or that I'm being too hard on myself. In my mind while shoveling the soup in and after going off the plan and not feeling satisfied I was already thinking of preparing an english muffin with butter... maybe 2... maybe anything and everything in my kitchen that would 'satisfy my craving'. This is how my sin (not believing God is who He says He is and turning to my idol of food) starts.
Just this morning I read in the Bible about the gospel, did my devo reminding me of Jesus' power and presence, and even sent a message to my MC reminding them of how Jesus is with us and around us and loves us no matter what. And yet... not even an hour or so later I'm sinning. And I'm tempted to hide and not focus on the cross. Yesterday I had another off-plan day and in talking to Emily she reminded me of the Jeff Vandersteldt idea of thinking of the cross even before I eat. Did I do it? Nope, sure didn't. I have a verse in my kitchen I planned to read before each meal too. Haven't read that too much lately.
Jackson was already gone this morning and in the throes of the morning routine I wanted to stuff my face while rushing to get little ones ready. I thought to call a couple of people but didn't. I did stop and decided not to go down the empty binge road because I thought of you and the hope that I know to be true.
I want to crave God. I do. The truth is I'm messy, awkward, dirty, wicked and will fail and stumble again and again. This is what the cross was all about. The more I believe that God would do anything to get me in his family... that He loves me AS I AM... I am confident these chains of bondage to food will fall off. Probably not completely and I'm sure there will be harder seasons than others but I'm sure that I will be more satisfied by Him as I open my hands and surrender and believe that He sees all of who I am.
I want to crave God. I do. The truth is I'm messy, awkward, dirty, wicked and will fail and stumble again and again. This is what the cross was all about. The more I believe that God would do anything to get me in his family... that He loves me AS I AM... I am confident these chains of bondage to food will fall off. Probably not completely and I'm sure there will be harder seasons than others but I'm sure that I will be more satisfied by Him as I open my hands and surrender and believe that He sees all of who I am.
I invite you friend. Pray with me. Pray for me. Pray for us. Let's tell God what He already knows and see how His Spirit and His violent grace free us.
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