The solitude get away was pretty great. My main take away is that God wants me to come to Him with open hands (desperate for Him, reaching to Him, receiving from Him, surrender, etc.).
As I type this my feelings (operative word) are all over the place. There's so much to share, and (it feels like) not much time...
Saturday's Progress
Time with Jesus? Great, extended, and solo!
Eating? Okay... had too much food at lunch and dinner
Exercise? JM to the WW Day 6!
Sunday's Progress
Time with Jesus? Yes... also heard a phenomenal message by Ryan Kwon on Addictions (this could be it's own blog post and very may well be... sometime)... I wish I could say that I heard it, applied it, and haven't chosen sin (eating instead of turning to God) since Sunday :-(
Eating? Okay again... a little too much food and not the right food at each meal
Exercise? JM Day 7 (to the 49ers post game talk :-) )
Monday's Progress (weigh in: 167.6= 3 pounds less than last Monday- GTG)
Time with Jesus? Yes
Eating? I justified some small cookies with my lunch and then really went off the beaten path at dinner (ate too much dinner and then chocolate covered pretzels right after dinner thinking, "this is just a bigger dinner")
Exercise? JM to the WW Day 8
Today so far
Time with Jesus? Yes
Eating? Really struggling. Unless a binge at 9:40am counts as lunch I'm in trouble. Please pray for me. I thought of reaching out to you briefly and then I just wanted to eat the crackers, toast and PB/jelly, toast and honey, prunes... I just wanted it. I sincerely thought, "I'm supposed to be doing a fast... well, this can be my lunch. I'm so 'hungry' I deserve this. After all, I've been hearing nothing but kids crying and fussing since before 7am. (Belle threw a tantrum all the way to school and then into her classroom... left with her crying in a heap)" After I kept eating, I started thinking, "Well, I might as well have this because I already am eating now... I just want this. I don't care."
Exercise? Not yet. I plan on doing JM to the WW. I feel like giving up right now. My feelings are ridiculous and ever changing so I know this may sound silly, but it's how I feel as of this moment. Please pray that I do this and that I move on with my imperfect progress.
If you've taken the time to read through this whole post first off, thank you. Secondly, you're probably noticing that I'm a big contradictory mess. I totally identify with Paul as he writes in Romans: " For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (7:15)
I know that this is a battle and in the big picture, I know who has already won the battle. I need to see myself in Him (the Victor and Perfect One). Pray that I do. Pray that instead of justifying my sin, I would run away from it and not let the enemies' lies and my own selfish desires be digested (pun intended).
I don't want to make more rules and I know full well that my will power will fail and does constantly. However, I want so badly to crave Jesus more than silly (while it is good) food. SO- will you pray for wisdom? That I will honor God at each meal and choose Him?
I am praying right now. On my knees (well, I will be). I pray that God would be so great and so glorious in our minds and hearts and we would hunger for Him more than anything else. I pray that I will see myself IN CHRIST (not in sin) and that as I go through this imperfect progress we will see Him glorified.
2 comments:
Praying for you not to be discouraged. God's grace is totally sufficient every time all the time :) You are already glorifying God in sharing your journey. Like Ryan's message, you are sharing "your 10" :)
Megan,
Thank you for your prayers. His grace IS sufficient and He is so much greater than my struggle. Praying for you too!
Post a Comment