Yesterday (this started my first day here and went from bad to worse every moment) I noticed that everywhere I went I was continually staring at other women and envying some part of their body and wishing mine were different. I mean it was getting pretty ridiculous. Stare bear.
I started looking at what they were wearing, body parts, their faces, etc. and started basing how I was feeling on if I looked "better" or "worse" than the body passing by. I was reading my Thin Within material, reading Deeper, reading the Bible and praying and journal-ing like never before and yet I had this HUGE staring (and thinking) problem. I was feeling down and low.
It got to a point where I sent out an email to some of my friends/prayer warriors that I know. I knew that only God's Word, His Spirit, and the gospel community he's given me to fight temptation and better believe how glorious and good He is would work.
Here's some responses I got from my email for help for my heart...
"My prayer is you will meditate on what Jesus finds beautiful and be encouraged by how much Jesus delights in you!"
"...God created you with your own unique DNA, and you are the pearl of great price in a field he bought with his own blood. That is how he views you."
"the creator of the sun, moon and stars also created you and found His work to be good!"
"God is glorious and good and I love you and am praying for you!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo :)"
"In Him may He remind you, you are whole, forgiven, worthy, His. In His awesome glory, He made you exactly the way you are for Him"
God used this encouragement, prayer, His Word, and some conversations with Jackson over dinner to reveal more of the lies I believe and how to bring truth to my heart. I still think that if I look really beautiful I'll be happier and more lovable. LIE! My joy is in Christ alone. He made me, loves me, and has a purpose for my life.
A dear friend sent me these verses (the same ones I'd read about in Deeper and had been meditating on a lot yesterday).
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:1-14 ESV)
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